I've been thinking a lot lately about how we talk to each other. Communication is a wacky thing. A friend pointed out recently that mental health is a spectrum. I suppose this is true of lots of things: success, contentment, taste, education, openness. I don't know how it is for you but I find I go through periods where people are just barking at me. Maybe I have too much Vitamin D in my system and they have a bad reaction to that.
Putting any combination of people in close proximity is always an experiment. Things trigger other things in people and you might not be aware of it. Or you're reacting out of nowhere about something and the other person is caught off guard. Or it's all fine and no one's upset about anything.
Dealing with people is a messy thing and you either embrace that or fight against it. There's also a lot about what happens when ego gets in the middle of things. There's a lot of craziness in theater because of the nature of the beast. Things go well out of randomness like it's at the behest of the gods. Someone rockets into fame who has less skill or talent than someone else. A show is a smash because it touches on something at the moment that no one might care about 6 months in either direction. One style comes in or out, depending on X factors out of anyone's control. An actress friend told me the other day about 30 years she's spent in the business and how 1/6 of them were great years work-wise. What no one seems to get is that is doing really well in this.
People admire and then envy success if attained from hard work. We are suspicious of it achieved in other ways. We love a comeback and we want to destroy anything doing better than us for too long. I don't know if it's Caveman Brain or what but we can't have someone be on top more than 6 seasons. South Park had a pretty brilliant episode in which Britney Spears was sacrificed to make the corn grow more heartily in the fields.
I think the times when I've caused the most trouble due to the rumbling tectonic plates inside is when I've felt ripped off because of my bruised ego and some out of control sense of entitlement. "What?! I can't believe so-and-so got that part over me. I'll show them!!" Then I act out in some weird way. It's why I had to back off auditioning for a good while. It started becoming about something it wasn't.
And that's the big troublemaker when dealing with other people. Is the problem really about the situation at hand or is it about your stuff, my stuff, or the moon cycle? Once that is parsed out, you can deal with things with less hassle.
I spent years trying to practice good communication and positive assertiveness. I've tried to come to conclusions where both sides receive mutual benefits. People seem to take that as disingenuous. So now I make the best of something until it seems futile, I let myself feel disappointment, hurt, or anger and then I tell myself it's time to detach.
There's some religious teaching that uses the metaphor of eating at a table full of guests. As the food is passed around, you should pass the food to everyone else first and be thankful and happy for what you have left. If there's nothing on the dish when it comes back you, you should be pleased that everyone else is content and nourished. Then there's the religious teaching that says if you don't care for yourself first, you won't be able to care for others.
I'm very fortunate I have many good people in my life with whom I enjoy creating. I have an artistic agenda that keeps growing. I feel a small door to many new possibilities has been opened.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Monday, February 09, 2009
Money Part 6: Help Downtown Theater
I'm taking a brief break from talking about money and the economy and doing a PSA for some art here. I've been fortunate enough to be included in the Plays and Playwrights '09 anthology put out by the New York Theatre Experience. It's the 10th year the series has been running thanks to the good work by Martin Denton and Rochelle Denton. They work really hard at helping the small theaters of NYC get exposure and a bit of deserved legitimacy.
It would be great if you clicked HERE to order your copy of this book. It's only $15 through the end of February if you order through the nyte website. The money goes directly to the New York Theatre Experience, which sends out the largest number of reviews in the city. They also produce podcasts of folks who might not normally get heard and maintain some spiffy blogs. They're also damn nice people.
This is only slightly shameless self-promotion on my part. While my play American Badass is included, the money from the sales of the book goes to the nyte non-profit. I'll put it to ya like this: as John Clancy says downtown theater is the research and development wing of the American theater. Without nyte that R&D would come to a screeching halt. If that happens, I'll have to go back to my high school and beat up all the jocks. This will get ugly people.
You get 11 plays for $15. What more could you want? Also on the shop.nyte.org website, is the anthology including my gf's play Antarctica (P&P '08). Each time I sit down with one of these books, I'm reminded of what I liked about discovering something new in theater. There are so many unique voices. The styles and the subject matter cover a lot of ground.
If you're a drama teacher who needs some good material that you haven't heard 100 times, check this out. If you're sick of TV, grab one of these and feed your head. I looked at this one and there's several pieces about our national and personal identities. It feels very present. And it's just freaky to see my bio followed by this thing I wrote.
It's great as a Valentine's gift or as a pleasant surprise. So order today. You can do it the old-fashioned way and call 212-217-9627 (before 10pm, let the people sleep) and order directly from Rochelle. She a really nice lady and she'll be delighted to hear I sent you or hit the shop.nyte.org website.
And you would be supporting getting my work out into the world and I would be eternally grateful.
It would be great if you clicked HERE to order your copy of this book. It's only $15 through the end of February if you order through the nyte website. The money goes directly to the New York Theatre Experience, which sends out the largest number of reviews in the city. They also produce podcasts of folks who might not normally get heard and maintain some spiffy blogs. They're also damn nice people.
This is only slightly shameless self-promotion on my part. While my play American Badass is included, the money from the sales of the book goes to the nyte non-profit. I'll put it to ya like this: as John Clancy says downtown theater is the research and development wing of the American theater. Without nyte that R&D would come to a screeching halt. If that happens, I'll have to go back to my high school and beat up all the jocks. This will get ugly people.
You get 11 plays for $15. What more could you want? Also on the shop.nyte.org website, is the anthology including my gf's play Antarctica (P&P '08). Each time I sit down with one of these books, I'm reminded of what I liked about discovering something new in theater. There are so many unique voices. The styles and the subject matter cover a lot of ground.
If you're a drama teacher who needs some good material that you haven't heard 100 times, check this out. If you're sick of TV, grab one of these and feed your head. I looked at this one and there's several pieces about our national and personal identities. It feels very present. And it's just freaky to see my bio followed by this thing I wrote.
It's great as a Valentine's gift or as a pleasant surprise. So order today. You can do it the old-fashioned way and call 212-217-9627 (before 10pm, let the people sleep) and order directly from Rochelle. She a really nice lady and she'll be delighted to hear I sent you or hit the shop.nyte.org website.
And you would be supporting getting my work out into the world and I would be eternally grateful.
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Money Part 5: Food Stamps
Reporter Sean Callebs is blogging for CNN about living on Food Stamps. He's spending the month on a food budget that's the maximum amount an individual the program can have, which is $176. He's in Louisiana where basically 1 in 6 use the program. It's now called the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program and is not supposed to your sole source for food money.
But for a lot of people it is.
17 states allow you to apply online. New York doesn't. Not surprising considering how many people they would have to help. On the other hand, you'd think that would be a great reason to start here. Then again, NYC was really slow to get cable. It looks like it will lag behind Philly as far as becoming a wireless internet city. If you look even further back into its history, the sewage system in Manhattan was atrocious. Mostly it was a haphazard assortment of privately owned drains (Canal St. was named for this specific reason). Frequently, they backed up and everyone's diseases no matter where they were on the social spectrum were spread via the fecal-oral route. Surprisingly, Brooklyn sewage system was ahead of the rest of the country thanks to one Colonel Adams' work with fluid dynamics in 1857. Believe me, I think about this each time I flush on either island and am less convinced of ever moving back to Manhattan, or "The City" as they call it in one of the outer boroughs. I understand The City has trouble when the rains come with everything backing up. Brooklyn far less so.
This is only to say build the system properly at the start and you'll have less problems.
At dinner the other evening, the conversation came around to how "who is being laid off" is replacing "what's the size, location and rent of your dwelling" as The Big Topic around town nowadays. Klaus Schwab, who started the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland in 1971 when he was a Professor of business policy at the University of Geneva, said today he had not seen the world financial outlook in so grim a condition. They have an International Monetary Convention Project, which has been looking at the waves of crises over the last decade. Leaders from around the world are looking to have some ideas by the meeting of the G-20 in April.
We live in a country where 31 million people are on SNAP. They're swiping their cards that have replaced the stamps and trying to figure out how to cut corners. There are Food Banks around to help those in need. Feeding America sends out 2.2 million pounds of fresh produce each week. I think we will see people needing to get help who haven't before now. At the same time, we have the $16 billion in Wall St. bonuses. French finance minister Christine Lagarde called those bonuses despicable and I agree. You can blow France off as Socialist but at least they had the good sense to get rid of the heads of banks that got in trouble. They only bailed out one major bank. Seems more like sensible parenting to me.
We didn't do that here. The Republicans are making a big fuss over the Obama Administration's stimulus package. It's now down $100 billion to almost the same size as the Bush Administrations $700 billion package. Remember that half that package was spent without oversight and is now gone. The second half hasn't been spent yet. There's a lot of squabbling over stimulus vs. spending. At this point, it doesn't matter. I would love to see Congress have contests to show who can get their constituents up on their feet fastest through ingenuity. "We only had 4 cargo vans, a bake sale and a few hundred postings on Craiglist but by God we got my district back up on its feet!" The old saying "you have to spend money to make money" comes to mind in all this.
If we all lived on a food budget of $176 a month, that would cause its own problems too. What will the sushi chefs do? Where will the gastronomes go? How will Rush Limbaugh have enough energy to blow out his other eardrum? Tangent: if Rush does give himself an aneurysm from screaming about hopes for failure, Eddie Trunk of VH-1 Classic could sub in for him. Same look, same voice (only quieter) but he'd just play heavy metal songs.
I've not lived on SNAP. I did do unemployment once in 2003. It wasn't as bad as I thought. I filed over the phone. The guy on the other end had most of my info in seconds. I received a pittance because I had just come out of 3 years of graduate school and several years of non-profit sector work. Each week I filed by answering questions online. I know several people who have done this frequently. Some feel it is their right since they put the money into the system when they are working. Others have trouble asking for assistance of any kind. I know people who have worked with big names who have done this. It happens.
How far could one go on SNAP and Unemployment? This is probably different from state to state but in New York the length of emergency assistance will go up from 20 weeks to 33 on Feb. 22, 2009. However, there are breaks in the payments.
The name change from Food Stamps to Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program happened last fall. It reminds of when George Carlin talked about language and how we can go from Shell Shock to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I do think many on SNAP will have PTSD.
According to the Unemployment Insurance website, people applying for UI must be careful of scammers. We have learned of persons or companies that may charge a fee to help customers complete or file Unemployment Insurance claims. They imply that they have a connection to the NYS Department of Labor. THIS IS FALSE. The State Labor Department does not want our customers to be fooled by these claims. Customers in New York State should continue to file their claims for UI through our web site or by phone. There have been some delays recently at our call centers due to a high volume of claims, but we take all claims in the order they are received. Using a paid service to file your claim will not ensure faster handling.
I hope there's an extra special place in Hell for those people.
But for a lot of people it is.
17 states allow you to apply online. New York doesn't. Not surprising considering how many people they would have to help. On the other hand, you'd think that would be a great reason to start here. Then again, NYC was really slow to get cable. It looks like it will lag behind Philly as far as becoming a wireless internet city. If you look even further back into its history, the sewage system in Manhattan was atrocious. Mostly it was a haphazard assortment of privately owned drains (Canal St. was named for this specific reason). Frequently, they backed up and everyone's diseases no matter where they were on the social spectrum were spread via the fecal-oral route. Surprisingly, Brooklyn sewage system was ahead of the rest of the country thanks to one Colonel Adams' work with fluid dynamics in 1857. Believe me, I think about this each time I flush on either island and am less convinced of ever moving back to Manhattan, or "The City" as they call it in one of the outer boroughs. I understand The City has trouble when the rains come with everything backing up. Brooklyn far less so.
This is only to say build the system properly at the start and you'll have less problems.
At dinner the other evening, the conversation came around to how "who is being laid off" is replacing "what's the size, location and rent of your dwelling" as The Big Topic around town nowadays. Klaus Schwab, who started the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland in 1971 when he was a Professor of business policy at the University of Geneva, said today he had not seen the world financial outlook in so grim a condition. They have an International Monetary Convention Project, which has been looking at the waves of crises over the last decade. Leaders from around the world are looking to have some ideas by the meeting of the G-20 in April.
We live in a country where 31 million people are on SNAP. They're swiping their cards that have replaced the stamps and trying to figure out how to cut corners. There are Food Banks around to help those in need. Feeding America sends out 2.2 million pounds of fresh produce each week. I think we will see people needing to get help who haven't before now. At the same time, we have the $16 billion in Wall St. bonuses. French finance minister Christine Lagarde called those bonuses despicable and I agree. You can blow France off as Socialist but at least they had the good sense to get rid of the heads of banks that got in trouble. They only bailed out one major bank. Seems more like sensible parenting to me.
We didn't do that here. The Republicans are making a big fuss over the Obama Administration's stimulus package. It's now down $100 billion to almost the same size as the Bush Administrations $700 billion package. Remember that half that package was spent without oversight and is now gone. The second half hasn't been spent yet. There's a lot of squabbling over stimulus vs. spending. At this point, it doesn't matter. I would love to see Congress have contests to show who can get their constituents up on their feet fastest through ingenuity. "We only had 4 cargo vans, a bake sale and a few hundred postings on Craiglist but by God we got my district back up on its feet!" The old saying "you have to spend money to make money" comes to mind in all this.
If we all lived on a food budget of $176 a month, that would cause its own problems too. What will the sushi chefs do? Where will the gastronomes go? How will Rush Limbaugh have enough energy to blow out his other eardrum? Tangent: if Rush does give himself an aneurysm from screaming about hopes for failure, Eddie Trunk of VH-1 Classic could sub in for him. Same look, same voice (only quieter) but he'd just play heavy metal songs.
I've not lived on SNAP. I did do unemployment once in 2003. It wasn't as bad as I thought. I filed over the phone. The guy on the other end had most of my info in seconds. I received a pittance because I had just come out of 3 years of graduate school and several years of non-profit sector work. Each week I filed by answering questions online. I know several people who have done this frequently. Some feel it is their right since they put the money into the system when they are working. Others have trouble asking for assistance of any kind. I know people who have worked with big names who have done this. It happens.
How far could one go on SNAP and Unemployment? This is probably different from state to state but in New York the length of emergency assistance will go up from 20 weeks to 33 on Feb. 22, 2009. However, there are breaks in the payments.
The name change from Food Stamps to Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program happened last fall. It reminds of when George Carlin talked about language and how we can go from Shell Shock to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I do think many on SNAP will have PTSD.
According to the Unemployment Insurance website, people applying for UI must be careful of scammers. We have learned of persons or companies that may charge a fee to help customers complete or file Unemployment Insurance claims. They imply that they have a connection to the NYS Department of Labor. THIS IS FALSE. The State Labor Department does not want our customers to be fooled by these claims. Customers in New York State should continue to file their claims for UI through our web site or by phone. There have been some delays recently at our call centers due to a high volume of claims, but we take all claims in the order they are received. Using a paid service to file your claim will not ensure faster handling.
I hope there's an extra special place in Hell for those people.
Friday, February 06, 2009
Money Part 4: Outta Sight, Outta Mind, Outta Pocket
There's a lot of expressions about money. Money: it's a gas. Money changes everything. It doesn't grow on trees. One in the hand is worth two in the bush. What goes up must come down. The rich keep getting richer. You'll be a hard luck woman, baby 'til you find your man. Ok, that last one was a KISS song.
The one I'm thinking of most these days is "You have to spend money to make money." With the stimulus package kicking around and finding my only consolation is the repeated reinforcement of the fact that no one knows what the hell they are talking about with this, I wish the Senators would use a lifeline and phone a friend. Granted, I've not had the chance to hunker down with C-Span and enjoy the dulcet droning of elected...oh, god. Just get to the point. If you're there to keep your job, then you've signed up for the wrong job, Mr. or Ms. Name Your Sentor.
What I have seen are a lot of people spewing facts and little theory. I like that there are embedded objectives in the stimulus package. What I don't like is the throwing of money rather than creativity at the problem of an ailing economy. I supposed now we must resuscitate the patient before getting it back in shape to run the extreme marathon.
What I'm still not hearing about is people giving a good idea of what money is or prospects of giving further education about it. Here's the Earned Income Credit amounts for 2008: $38,646 ($41,646 married filing jointly) with two or more qualifying children; $33,995 ($36,995 married filing jointly) with one qualifying child; or $12,880 ($15,880 married filing jointly) with no qualifying children. And for that you get $5,028 with two or more qualifying children; $3,043 with one qualifying child; and $457 with no qualifying children. I shut my mind to what this looks like in reality.
What is money? Besides the thing you don't have enough of, that's used to buy stuff, that's what makes you have to get up off the couch and do the job that makes you miserable so you can buy stuff, which is better than not having a job because then you have to re-evaluate everything from choices in life, partner, where to get food, or what soap to use. Some say its energy. Some say its a direct representation of our individual worth. Others say it's a figment of the mind because it doesn't really exist.
There's a notion kicking around with the stimulus package debates saying we should follow what happened in 1975 and give homeowners $15,000 (they received 2 grand back then). Remember how just the other day the theory of giving every American $10,000 was shot down because we don't know what to do with it? I guess homeowners have proven they are responsible because they've bought homes. But I'm confused. If a big part of the problem is how there are so many people who took bad mortgages because they don't know all the mumbo-jumbo and the lenders were hooking people with comes down to a crack rock in the form of basic shelter, shouldn't we take a break on that? Maybe we need something in our financial world that works like the Food and Drug Administration. So people aren't eating poisoned deals. So lenders aren't putting out tainted loans.
But let's not forget the folks who were gobbling up houses and property. The values went up and up until of course it would have to burst. Now there's a lot of people with multiple properties that are losing lots of value. People trying to walk in the footsteps of Donald Trump, not looking at the fact that he's gone bankrupt and has closed property. They replaced the word debt with the word leverage, which is really debt on steroids. In my mind, giving those people $15,000 is like a mini bank bailout. They'll blow it on hookers and beer and we won't be any closer to what we need. I don't know how those industries are fairing right now.
And who is to say who gets to buy 19 properties and who doesn't? It puts me in mind of how nature cleans house now and again. When a species gets too big, something comes along and wipes it out. Humans have staved off plague, AIDS, bird flu, whooping cough and a host of other diseases. Will money finally be what wipes up out? Some say its meaningless, some say it doesn't exist, but others say it touches every aspect of our lives.
Alexander Hamilton said the national debt was the price we had to pay for freedom. What's the price we must pay for freedom from the debt?
The one I'm thinking of most these days is "You have to spend money to make money." With the stimulus package kicking around and finding my only consolation is the repeated reinforcement of the fact that no one knows what the hell they are talking about with this, I wish the Senators would use a lifeline and phone a friend. Granted, I've not had the chance to hunker down with C-Span and enjoy the dulcet droning of elected...oh, god. Just get to the point. If you're there to keep your job, then you've signed up for the wrong job, Mr. or Ms. Name Your Sentor.
What I have seen are a lot of people spewing facts and little theory. I like that there are embedded objectives in the stimulus package. What I don't like is the throwing of money rather than creativity at the problem of an ailing economy. I supposed now we must resuscitate the patient before getting it back in shape to run the extreme marathon.
What I'm still not hearing about is people giving a good idea of what money is or prospects of giving further education about it. Here's the Earned Income Credit amounts for 2008: $38,646 ($41,646 married filing jointly) with two or more qualifying children; $33,995 ($36,995 married filing jointly) with one qualifying child; or $12,880 ($15,880 married filing jointly) with no qualifying children. And for that you get $5,028 with two or more qualifying children; $3,043 with one qualifying child; and $457 with no qualifying children. I shut my mind to what this looks like in reality.
What is money? Besides the thing you don't have enough of, that's used to buy stuff, that's what makes you have to get up off the couch and do the job that makes you miserable so you can buy stuff, which is better than not having a job because then you have to re-evaluate everything from choices in life, partner, where to get food, or what soap to use. Some say its energy. Some say its a direct representation of our individual worth. Others say it's a figment of the mind because it doesn't really exist.
There's a notion kicking around with the stimulus package debates saying we should follow what happened in 1975 and give homeowners $15,000 (they received 2 grand back then). Remember how just the other day the theory of giving every American $10,000 was shot down because we don't know what to do with it? I guess homeowners have proven they are responsible because they've bought homes. But I'm confused. If a big part of the problem is how there are so many people who took bad mortgages because they don't know all the mumbo-jumbo and the lenders were hooking people with comes down to a crack rock in the form of basic shelter, shouldn't we take a break on that? Maybe we need something in our financial world that works like the Food and Drug Administration. So people aren't eating poisoned deals. So lenders aren't putting out tainted loans.
But let's not forget the folks who were gobbling up houses and property. The values went up and up until of course it would have to burst. Now there's a lot of people with multiple properties that are losing lots of value. People trying to walk in the footsteps of Donald Trump, not looking at the fact that he's gone bankrupt and has closed property. They replaced the word debt with the word leverage, which is really debt on steroids. In my mind, giving those people $15,000 is like a mini bank bailout. They'll blow it on hookers and beer and we won't be any closer to what we need. I don't know how those industries are fairing right now.
And who is to say who gets to buy 19 properties and who doesn't? It puts me in mind of how nature cleans house now and again. When a species gets too big, something comes along and wipes it out. Humans have staved off plague, AIDS, bird flu, whooping cough and a host of other diseases. Will money finally be what wipes up out? Some say its meaningless, some say it doesn't exist, but others say it touches every aspect of our lives.
Alexander Hamilton said the national debt was the price we had to pay for freedom. What's the price we must pay for freedom from the debt?
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Money Part 3: Minty Fresh
I opened up a TreasuryDirect account so I can begin to buy Treasury Bonds. I wonder if that will help the economy. Somebody is going to have to give the government money or else they'll be looking to get a bail out at some point. Iran put a satellite into space that will be dancing around with our old Star Wars technology. I bet there's a lot of garbage up there now.
As I was nosing around, I noticed that the US Mint is done manufacturing the US State Quarters. Hawaii was the last one. That was a long process from 1999 to 2008. I remember getting my first Delaware quarter. That held some significance for me as I was born there and both my parents grew up there. I wondered where I'd be when 2008 rolled around. I wanted to be far, far away from myself. It took through the manufacture of the Wisconsin quarter to realize that you can't do that.
So from Wisconsin to North Dakota, I worked on being ok with being with me. As I look further at my relationship with money, I think it is connected with my own value. Because of career choices, etc, I've needed to think about it and know what I am doing but I haven't.
As this chapter has closed, I wonder what 2009 holds in store. Someone once made fun of me when I discovered the Michigan quarter came out and was excited. I responded that I didn't have any hobbies. I'm a little sad this 50 State Quarter Program is over. This year they will put out D.C. and the 4 territories. Good thing because most people don't know what they are. There will be new Presidential $1 coins and First Spouse gold coins.
Today I had an audition for a Lottery commercial. I find that so meta. And a big withdrawal from my reserves. But American Badass in the P&P 09 Anthology just came from the publishers yesterday. I have yet to go pick up my copies from Martin Denton. I'm working on a reading of a new play I wrote that I'm reading with 3 great actors. And I'm adapting a book into a play. So I'm trying to increase my artistic value and share that with others.
Being an actor has been like having a complicated relationship with an addict. Writing is like taking what you learn from that dysfunctional, co-dependent, abusive relationship and moving into a new place with a neat roommate who pays the rent on time. Maybe even makes cookies once in awhile.
As I was nosing around, I noticed that the US Mint is done manufacturing the US State Quarters. Hawaii was the last one. That was a long process from 1999 to 2008. I remember getting my first Delaware quarter. That held some significance for me as I was born there and both my parents grew up there. I wondered where I'd be when 2008 rolled around. I wanted to be far, far away from myself. It took through the manufacture of the Wisconsin quarter to realize that you can't do that.
So from Wisconsin to North Dakota, I worked on being ok with being with me. As I look further at my relationship with money, I think it is connected with my own value. Because of career choices, etc, I've needed to think about it and know what I am doing but I haven't.
As this chapter has closed, I wonder what 2009 holds in store. Someone once made fun of me when I discovered the Michigan quarter came out and was excited. I responded that I didn't have any hobbies. I'm a little sad this 50 State Quarter Program is over. This year they will put out D.C. and the 4 territories. Good thing because most people don't know what they are. There will be new Presidential $1 coins and First Spouse gold coins.
Today I had an audition for a Lottery commercial. I find that so meta. And a big withdrawal from my reserves. But American Badass in the P&P 09 Anthology just came from the publishers yesterday. I have yet to go pick up my copies from Martin Denton. I'm working on a reading of a new play I wrote that I'm reading with 3 great actors. And I'm adapting a book into a play. So I'm trying to increase my artistic value and share that with others.
Being an actor has been like having a complicated relationship with an addict. Writing is like taking what you learn from that dysfunctional, co-dependent, abusive relationship and moving into a new place with a neat roommate who pays the rent on time. Maybe even makes cookies once in awhile.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Money Part 2: Investment Deficit Disorder
I saw an interesting post on a PBS blog tonight. Paul Solomon tackled some key points. I have to take issue with the first one off the bat. I think most Americans, and I mean not the Wall Street titans, don't know much about money or how to handle it. Because we've been pushed into a consumer-driven society, we don't think about investing first. It's like the crappy public school lunches served in the South Bronx. It's full of sugar and junk and gets the kids hooked on the spikes that come with eating that. Until they have really bad health problems.
Because I've opted to pay off all my debt, I'm kind of in the same boat as a new born. I had hoped there would be some more sense of accomplishment with it but there isn't. If a taxi were to fall out of the sky on my head, there wouldn't be any major things left behind for people to manage about me. Just turn off my cell and let the unions know I'm done paying dues. I have tiny retirement portfolio with one organization I got for a couple semester of teaching drama through CUNY. It's lost a quarter of its value since the end of 2007. I have one stock that has plummeted from a high value of over $90 to being worth $18.92.
Does anyone know if they're selling war bonds? Maybe a Facebook group for that could help rally the economy. I splurged a little today by buying a bomber hat. But it's cold here in NYC and this hat makes it much nicer. I think I will get 3 or 4. Really, it's my new favorite thing in the world. I believe my fear and dread about winter have been eradicated by this simple purchase.
But I was muddling through about money. No one's written me yet about this. That's ok. I guess it's better to talk about it when we're alone and 100% out of earshot. I'm going to carry on without worry until someone writes me and tells me I'm completely off base.
One of my conditioned blocks has been knowing my true value. Then demanding it. This comes as an extension of a fear of success. A silly and worthless thing. Being in the spotlight means you can be assassinated. This is going a bit far but the irrational part of the brain. The little, tiny conditioned part believes this. What does this have to do with money?
The first feeling I had putting that last check in the mail the other day was guilt. There's part of me that's embarrassed to talk about any of this because I'm admitting failure in a way. Broadcasting it really, which is a form of bragging. But then there's part of me that feels this heaviness for people who have lost their homes and jobs and don't know what they will be doing. The people who didn't wish this on themselves. The ones who work hard and follow the rules.
Then I also felt a little like I gave up a part of my identity with that. The suffering part. I know it's ridiculous because I was poor while many were rich. Now they're poor and don't know what to do about it.
There's a point here about the starving artist myth vs. the cream rising to the top. I guess also mixed into this is how the economy is put on the backs of the working class to do the shit work and still get it in the ass at the end of the day. One of the lies we buy into is that if one is talented, one will become rich and famous and not have to worry about money because it will rain down from the sky. And if you are less than that, God forbid, you will be that terrible leper, "the undiscovered" starving artist. The one who works at other things to get by. It's that mentality of cutting someone down who does pursue something in the face of the fickleness and obstacles of zeitgeist and marketplace. In the world of acting, either you can make a killing or you can crawl on your knees. There's very little in between. And it's a life without benefits.
I hear Juilliard is beginning to teach a little about money. It's about time. There's been this notion of the noble artist who doesn't soil himself or herself with thoughts of money. But if schools would like to increase the chances of survival and to keep artists in the professional in which they trained, this must be incorporated. A working actor, if lucky, could get paid 3 times a year. Let's say that's the scenario. Let's say it's in July, August and November. The amounts are $20,000, $10,000 and $5000. On the cheap side living in NYC let's say it's $3000 a month to live. If you really get creative and can collapse spending on food, clothes, entertainment, and forget about health care or loans or debt. And even with that, it's only $25000 to live here (god bless you), that actor has really only made $23,333-ish. I'm not talking about refinancing a home or holding off a year to buy a car. While that's a great year, other money must come in or the holidays are going to be slight.
Ah, screw 'em. Right? If they were worth a damn they'd make it or they'd grow up and get a real job. But since 13 or shows closed on Broadway and are being replaced with more economical fare, you can't tell those folks to just jump into something else; since NBC is cutting 5 hours of primetime so Jay Leno's jaw can invade homes for less than it costs put on 5 hour-long dramas and since SAG is going haywire and the studios are playing a jacked-up shell game, the competition is becoming tougher.
The old standard statistic said people left NYC after 5 years. I don't know what it will be now. It's still a game for trust-fund kids first and foremost. Then it shifts from there. Maybe it's always been like this and I'm just now waking up from my nap of naiveté. Maybe I'm only beginning to seek information I should have reached for years ago at the same time the economy is going bonkers. Do you feel like that? I don't think I'm alone in this. There's a sense of powerlessness. A sense that those goals are juuuuuuuust out of reach.
I wonder what will happen if there is no Wall Street. I think about McCain saying he'd clean up greed and how impossible that would have been.
I wonder why a dollar isn't worth a dollar. If there's all this manipulation of interest rates by the Fed. If debt is simply forgiven. If debt is given steroids and called leverage and unleashed to go unchecked until it implodes, WHY CAN'T A DOLLAR BE WORTH A DOLLAR?
Like 1952 dollars. Or some other year when they were actually work 100 pennies. Why can't my entire grocery bill be less than $20? Why can't a buy a 2-bedroom condo for under 1.5 million?
And please don't tell me about fluctuations or how things shift due to changes in supply and demand. Make the value of a dollar a dollar or stop printing it until it is worth a dollar. If paper money is off the gold standard and then not worth the paper it's printed on, then something has to change.
I know this reads like it was written by a crazy person but I guess it kind of was. By the way, it doesn't look like there's the old war bonds but there are Treasury Bonds.
Because I've opted to pay off all my debt, I'm kind of in the same boat as a new born. I had hoped there would be some more sense of accomplishment with it but there isn't. If a taxi were to fall out of the sky on my head, there wouldn't be any major things left behind for people to manage about me. Just turn off my cell and let the unions know I'm done paying dues. I have tiny retirement portfolio with one organization I got for a couple semester of teaching drama through CUNY. It's lost a quarter of its value since the end of 2007. I have one stock that has plummeted from a high value of over $90 to being worth $18.92.
Does anyone know if they're selling war bonds? Maybe a Facebook group for that could help rally the economy. I splurged a little today by buying a bomber hat. But it's cold here in NYC and this hat makes it much nicer. I think I will get 3 or 4. Really, it's my new favorite thing in the world. I believe my fear and dread about winter have been eradicated by this simple purchase.
But I was muddling through about money. No one's written me yet about this. That's ok. I guess it's better to talk about it when we're alone and 100% out of earshot. I'm going to carry on without worry until someone writes me and tells me I'm completely off base.
One of my conditioned blocks has been knowing my true value. Then demanding it. This comes as an extension of a fear of success. A silly and worthless thing. Being in the spotlight means you can be assassinated. This is going a bit far but the irrational part of the brain. The little, tiny conditioned part believes this. What does this have to do with money?
The first feeling I had putting that last check in the mail the other day was guilt. There's part of me that's embarrassed to talk about any of this because I'm admitting failure in a way. Broadcasting it really, which is a form of bragging. But then there's part of me that feels this heaviness for people who have lost their homes and jobs and don't know what they will be doing. The people who didn't wish this on themselves. The ones who work hard and follow the rules.
Then I also felt a little like I gave up a part of my identity with that. The suffering part. I know it's ridiculous because I was poor while many were rich. Now they're poor and don't know what to do about it.
There's a point here about the starving artist myth vs. the cream rising to the top. I guess also mixed into this is how the economy is put on the backs of the working class to do the shit work and still get it in the ass at the end of the day. One of the lies we buy into is that if one is talented, one will become rich and famous and not have to worry about money because it will rain down from the sky. And if you are less than that, God forbid, you will be that terrible leper, "the undiscovered" starving artist. The one who works at other things to get by. It's that mentality of cutting someone down who does pursue something in the face of the fickleness and obstacles of zeitgeist and marketplace. In the world of acting, either you can make a killing or you can crawl on your knees. There's very little in between. And it's a life without benefits.
I hear Juilliard is beginning to teach a little about money. It's about time. There's been this notion of the noble artist who doesn't soil himself or herself with thoughts of money. But if schools would like to increase the chances of survival and to keep artists in the professional in which they trained, this must be incorporated. A working actor, if lucky, could get paid 3 times a year. Let's say that's the scenario. Let's say it's in July, August and November. The amounts are $20,000, $10,000 and $5000. On the cheap side living in NYC let's say it's $3000 a month to live. If you really get creative and can collapse spending on food, clothes, entertainment, and forget about health care or loans or debt. And even with that, it's only $25000 to live here (god bless you), that actor has really only made $23,333-ish. I'm not talking about refinancing a home or holding off a year to buy a car. While that's a great year, other money must come in or the holidays are going to be slight.
Ah, screw 'em. Right? If they were worth a damn they'd make it or they'd grow up and get a real job. But since 13 or shows closed on Broadway and are being replaced with more economical fare, you can't tell those folks to just jump into something else; since NBC is cutting 5 hours of primetime so Jay Leno's jaw can invade homes for less than it costs put on 5 hour-long dramas and since SAG is going haywire and the studios are playing a jacked-up shell game, the competition is becoming tougher.
The old standard statistic said people left NYC after 5 years. I don't know what it will be now. It's still a game for trust-fund kids first and foremost. Then it shifts from there. Maybe it's always been like this and I'm just now waking up from my nap of naiveté. Maybe I'm only beginning to seek information I should have reached for years ago at the same time the economy is going bonkers. Do you feel like that? I don't think I'm alone in this. There's a sense of powerlessness. A sense that those goals are juuuuuuuust out of reach.
I wonder what will happen if there is no Wall Street. I think about McCain saying he'd clean up greed and how impossible that would have been.
I wonder why a dollar isn't worth a dollar. If there's all this manipulation of interest rates by the Fed. If debt is simply forgiven. If debt is given steroids and called leverage and unleashed to go unchecked until it implodes, WHY CAN'T A DOLLAR BE WORTH A DOLLAR?
Like 1952 dollars. Or some other year when they were actually work 100 pennies. Why can't my entire grocery bill be less than $20? Why can't a buy a 2-bedroom condo for under 1.5 million?
And please don't tell me about fluctuations or how things shift due to changes in supply and demand. Make the value of a dollar a dollar or stop printing it until it is worth a dollar. If paper money is off the gold standard and then not worth the paper it's printed on, then something has to change.
I know this reads like it was written by a crazy person but I guess it kind of was. By the way, it doesn't look like there's the old war bonds but there are Treasury Bonds.
Money part one
I don't know how many parts there will be in this series. Tonight was my first in a 6-week class called "Money and the Performing Artist" at the Actors' Fund. I've decided to take it upon myself to write thorough notes about it here. I will be more honest than I probably should. As I learn and deal with my own struggles with it, I am open to feedback from you. If you don't want to post it directly on this blog, you can contact me via Facebook. I will not disclose anything you want to keep between you and me.
Money is the great taboo. It's the engine moving us ahead. It's a divider and uniter. But, really, honestly, I don't know if I know what it really is. I think our economy is a mess because we as a country know what it is. There are titans of finance, these demi-gods who expect billions but they don't know how to make a real economy.
People have defined money for me as a concept, a commodity and as an extension of who we are. The woman leading this workshop, Annette, said, "when we think of money, we think of how we care for ourselves." If that's the case then I've been an abusive a-hole in a dirty wife-beater to myself since 5th grade.
As shocking as it may seem, I'm relatively poor. Well, I guess it depends on how you look at it. There's upper, middle and working class. They say money does not make you happier once you are in the middle class. It's difficult to define middle class. I live in NYC so it's higher than elsewhere. I've heard it's $40,000 for a single person. If I keep my temp job going and book gigs on top of that, I will make a decent amount above that. So 2009 will be the year I begin to figure out happiness unrelated to money. I'll let you know what '08 was like for me after I do my takes on March 19th. (Got my appointment today.)
This means I don't come from a family of great means. I've lived paycheck to paycheck and with a good deal of debt. Ooooh, debt. I guess the perceptions I'm looking at are in terms of value and success as a person and as someone with money. The idea that if you're smart and work hard, you won't have to worry about money. And let me say, if you're someone who doesn't worry about money, please let me know how you did it. If you're someone who has a trust fund and can't seem to spend it all, please consider making a donation my via Fractured Atlas so I can put up my next play. It's called Rabbit Island and I think it's funny and full of things that will make you think and feel.
But intelligence and a work ethic don't always rake in the green. Most of my employment has been spotty. I'll work and then stop. I'll catch up to having enough and then struggle. No one has taught me about money. I guess I carry a perception that if you're worth a damn at all, you'll have money. Since I haven't really had money, I've walked around with that not so worthwhile feeling.
Acting is an industry in which 90+% of the workforce is unemployed at any given time. I don't care how freakin' good you are, this means EVERYONE will be out of work at some point. Some stars are good with money or they have other things to support them. Restaurants, stakes in companies, endorsement deals or a sideline job. What? Yes, famous people sometimes have sideline jobs because they don't make enough money. The lead singer from Iron Maiden tours with that band, gets books published and had a film made of his screenplay. But he also flies planes for a commercial airline so he can afford to buy his own plane. Now, he's not starving but he's working.
We shit on people who are successful because they are successful and we are not. Probably because we think they shit on us because we are not successful. We don't think of them as human but, like us, they must take care of themselves. Is that so shameful? "Oh, he's a fame whore." "Oh, she's just doing this for the money." "So-and-sos just doing paycheck acting." Well, there's a lot of reality tv out there for the rest of them who aren't good with money or can't get those sweet paying roles. I seriously doubt Brett Michaels or Flavor Flav were on tv to find true love. "Wait, you mean you did this for the money and you don't really love me?" That's the slogan that should go on the back of every "Welcome to Hollywood" t-shirt.
Right now, entertainers are lining up for the scraps and the detritus tossed out from the Performing Arts Soup Kitchen. Bowl in hand and thankful. But before I go off into the WPA and the depression, etc. I want to make my point clear. I don't think someone is more talented or less talented because they wound up on tv or in a movie or on Broadway. We could go all day about painters who died in poverty, only to have their work increase astronomically in value after death.
I assume as you read this, you are either agreeing with this or looking down on me. Either is fine. If you are looking down on me, please express it to me so I can understand it. I walk around looking down on myself because of money all the time. This is silly and pointless. Or, this might be bringing up totally unrelated things for you. That's cool too.
I'm fortunate right now to have a job. I've paid off 100% my debt. No more school stuff, solo performance, acting classes, headshots, surgery, dental work, or relationships gone down the tubes. I think at least 3 of my relationships unraveled because of money. It wasn't the spoken cause but the root under the root. I'm involved in a theater company that focuses on new plays. I know money will make or break us in the next year or 2.
I used to not like money and think that it wasn't my concern as an artist. That if I became good enough at my craft, the money would follow. That's nice until you reach a certain point and realize that's not the case. This is NOT a meritocracy. I'm not angry or bitter, maybe a little embarrassed and ashamed. I feel I need to apologize to people when I fail AND when I succeed. Doing nothing is not an option.
I'm going be writing more about my relationship to money. About my beliefs I've held since childhood. I'm going to be upfront about what I spend on what and how I feel about it. I am working on having the kind of wealth that will allow me to work on my art and stay in good health. I will be able to sustain and take care of myself. I'm going to get over not being worthy of it. I'm going to be an adult about it.
Money is the great taboo. It's the engine moving us ahead. It's a divider and uniter. But, really, honestly, I don't know if I know what it really is. I think our economy is a mess because we as a country know what it is. There are titans of finance, these demi-gods who expect billions but they don't know how to make a real economy.
People have defined money for me as a concept, a commodity and as an extension of who we are. The woman leading this workshop, Annette, said, "when we think of money, we think of how we care for ourselves." If that's the case then I've been an abusive a-hole in a dirty wife-beater to myself since 5th grade.
As shocking as it may seem, I'm relatively poor. Well, I guess it depends on how you look at it. There's upper, middle and working class. They say money does not make you happier once you are in the middle class. It's difficult to define middle class. I live in NYC so it's higher than elsewhere. I've heard it's $40,000 for a single person. If I keep my temp job going and book gigs on top of that, I will make a decent amount above that. So 2009 will be the year I begin to figure out happiness unrelated to money. I'll let you know what '08 was like for me after I do my takes on March 19th. (Got my appointment today.)
This means I don't come from a family of great means. I've lived paycheck to paycheck and with a good deal of debt. Ooooh, debt. I guess the perceptions I'm looking at are in terms of value and success as a person and as someone with money. The idea that if you're smart and work hard, you won't have to worry about money. And let me say, if you're someone who doesn't worry about money, please let me know how you did it. If you're someone who has a trust fund and can't seem to spend it all, please consider making a donation my via Fractured Atlas so I can put up my next play. It's called Rabbit Island and I think it's funny and full of things that will make you think and feel.
But intelligence and a work ethic don't always rake in the green. Most of my employment has been spotty. I'll work and then stop. I'll catch up to having enough and then struggle. No one has taught me about money. I guess I carry a perception that if you're worth a damn at all, you'll have money. Since I haven't really had money, I've walked around with that not so worthwhile feeling.
Acting is an industry in which 90+% of the workforce is unemployed at any given time. I don't care how freakin' good you are, this means EVERYONE will be out of work at some point. Some stars are good with money or they have other things to support them. Restaurants, stakes in companies, endorsement deals or a sideline job. What? Yes, famous people sometimes have sideline jobs because they don't make enough money. The lead singer from Iron Maiden tours with that band, gets books published and had a film made of his screenplay. But he also flies planes for a commercial airline so he can afford to buy his own plane. Now, he's not starving but he's working.
We shit on people who are successful because they are successful and we are not. Probably because we think they shit on us because we are not successful. We don't think of them as human but, like us, they must take care of themselves. Is that so shameful? "Oh, he's a fame whore." "Oh, she's just doing this for the money." "So-and-sos just doing paycheck acting." Well, there's a lot of reality tv out there for the rest of them who aren't good with money or can't get those sweet paying roles. I seriously doubt Brett Michaels or Flavor Flav were on tv to find true love. "Wait, you mean you did this for the money and you don't really love me?" That's the slogan that should go on the back of every "Welcome to Hollywood" t-shirt.
Right now, entertainers are lining up for the scraps and the detritus tossed out from the Performing Arts Soup Kitchen. Bowl in hand and thankful. But before I go off into the WPA and the depression, etc. I want to make my point clear. I don't think someone is more talented or less talented because they wound up on tv or in a movie or on Broadway. We could go all day about painters who died in poverty, only to have their work increase astronomically in value after death.
I assume as you read this, you are either agreeing with this or looking down on me. Either is fine. If you are looking down on me, please express it to me so I can understand it. I walk around looking down on myself because of money all the time. This is silly and pointless. Or, this might be bringing up totally unrelated things for you. That's cool too.
I'm fortunate right now to have a job. I've paid off 100% my debt. No more school stuff, solo performance, acting classes, headshots, surgery, dental work, or relationships gone down the tubes. I think at least 3 of my relationships unraveled because of money. It wasn't the spoken cause but the root under the root. I'm involved in a theater company that focuses on new plays. I know money will make or break us in the next year or 2.
I used to not like money and think that it wasn't my concern as an artist. That if I became good enough at my craft, the money would follow. That's nice until you reach a certain point and realize that's not the case. This is NOT a meritocracy. I'm not angry or bitter, maybe a little embarrassed and ashamed. I feel I need to apologize to people when I fail AND when I succeed. Doing nothing is not an option.
I'm going be writing more about my relationship to money. About my beliefs I've held since childhood. I'm going to be upfront about what I spend on what and how I feel about it. I am working on having the kind of wealth that will allow me to work on my art and stay in good health. I will be able to sustain and take care of myself. I'm going to get over not being worthy of it. I'm going to be an adult about it.
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