I Think I'm Sick, part 5 (Remission)

Tomorrow begins week 2 of The Hypochondriac. I am looking forward to doing the final weeks of performances. I lost track of the days leading up to opening. We had a day off the Sunday prior but it was eaten up with work so I've been running on fumes for awhile now. My brain hit a wall first exactly one week before opening night. I was saying all the lines, doing all the blocking and looking people in the eyes but it was coming from someplace else, like a concert film simulcast in HD. Like being live, only not.

I'm for running the whole play as many times as you can before you face the audience. Some people like to wait to the last minute to get every moment. I like to work on things at speed to know what that really is, especially when there's a lot of ground to cover. The big lesson I'm getting out of this show is conservation. I was anxious about elements coming together at the last minute but not really nervous about my performance. I burn things down to the point where there isn't much energy left for nerves.

As the World Series played, I listened to the announcers talk about the pitchers and what they would need in terms of rest, focus, stamina, and chutzpah to get through a game. I did not advocate very well for myself on this project in speaking up about what I needed to get to the next level. Rather, I let it be dictated by the situation and the people around me. Since my character is onstage all but 3 or 4 pages of the play, I was at 99% of the rehearsals and working pretty much the whole time.

It's been good to have 2 days off in a row. It feels like the cold I was dragging behind me like cans on a string tied my ankle is almost gone. The thoughts in my head are moving at a comfortable pace. The bags under my eyes are down to a reasonable, nearly human-looking swell. The bruises on my back, arms, foot, left butt cheek, and middle toe are vanishing. I miss the cast like I've been out of the country an entire summer vacation.

Best of all, the pajamas I wear the entire show have been washed.

I Think I'm Sick, part 4 (The Messy Place)

We have our first preview performance in 10 days. Things are moving along but we're in that place where they get worse before they get better. Actors getting off-book invert, confuse, drop, and muddy lines. Truthful energy from people's eyes are replaced with a vague sheen of terror because the training wheels have been taken off. Rhythms are kind of sloppy overall. Moments that were getting laughs a week ago meet silence. Cackling instead at ad-libs and flubs signal either boredom or fear of a BIG HURDLE. A main actor was recently replaced. Some great moments come out of nowhere and then float off to the ether.

Tech coming up around the corner. Basically, we're in The Messy Place.

I've started doing one of the things I despise most in actors, which is being defensive during notes. I have a friend who always would do a good job of saying, "ah, I see what you're saying. I was trying this so maybe..." This would disarm the situation and progress would be made. I know of others who say things back in their own words to prove they understand the note to the director. Some smile and nod and appear to be writing the note down but instead scribble, "this prick doesn't know what he's talking about. I hate everyone. Why are they all trying to ruin my performance." I just need to listen and roll the note around in my head and see if I can try to come close to it. Usually, I take a note and come back with something in a new place. The trick is doing this with grace when you feel hurt, annoyed, insulted, stupid, embarrassed, or confused by the note. I hate it when I'm a small person. It's tricky though when I come out of hours of playing a small person who lets it all fly to be a polite note-taker. Sometimes getting lots of notes means you're giving lots of stuff. Sometimes it means you're terrible.

There are about 15 moments in the show I've yet to get underneath. I think I just need to break them down even more. I realized today I need to let go of one of the models I was using to create Argan. Because this is a realistic farce, I have to dare to not be funny. That's what makes it funny.

I think when I dig further under what bothers me about certain things not working, it comes from an expectation that they will work. Everything 100%. No question. And that's not how things happen. Sometimes I think I've done more than my share on something but am finding that I need to go even further to a place I haven't been before now. I have moments of thinking this will be my swan song to acting altogether. I'm kind of a perfectionist so when something isn't working I think, "I shouldn't really playing this part anyway. I'm so wrong for it."

I think I want a little audience to come see what's going on so I can confirm some stuff. At this point I can't go off anyone's reaction in the room because they're so over it. I don't know how I feel about any of it anymore. I think I'm just getting sick of playing someone who thinks he's sick but really isn't. I think it's just a 24-hour bug. It'll pass.

I Think I'm Sick, part 3

We've started working our way through Act 1 of The Hypochondriac. It's been an intuitive hunt to figure out the style and the world of this piece. I don't have all the answers yet and don't want to lock into something too soon. 2 big questions brought up today: how did Argan make his money and how did his hypochondria begin? Other things came up about the relationship with his wife and the basis of that relationship.

Matt, the director, feels my Argan isn't stupid. This makes it difficult to get away with some of the trickier sections. I've developed a pretty sharp b.s. detector in real life so playing the opposite is tough. It goes against my instincts and comes off as being put on. Argan is being kept closer to my real age, which also doesn't allow me to be dottering or foolish from having lost it upstairs. I believe he is addicted to the medications, the enemas and, above all, the attention. His world would fall apart without that. It's what he uses to control a world he can't.

What I've come up with for his back story is pretty sad. In the way that Malvolio's story is sad if you think he is going off to kill himself at the end of Twelfth Night. As I was going through and analyzing Act 1, the obvious dawned on me. He's getting his affairs in order. He's paying off his medical bills, he's arranging a marriage to a doctor for his only daughter and he's writing his second wife into his will so she gets everything. He wants to have a child with his second wife but that's not working out. His personal assistant keeps agitating him, making him think he'll die more quickly.

He thinks he's going to die soon from some mysterious illness no one has been able to identify. His time is limited.

Something about the hypochondria is being used to protect him and the people he loves. It's a way of warding off something really bad happening. I don't really get that either. I try to slog through any illnesses until I hit the wall. But then I did take a Zyrtec yesterday when I felt a scratch in my throat. I think Argan's hypochondria came out of a depression when his first wife went away. Some think she died. I wonder if she had enough of him and left. But that choice might make him more suspicious of others.

Bottom line is I don't know what I'm doing right now but I do know that this can't be played for laughs or it won't have legs. On the other hand, it isn't Strindberg. For it to work I think he needs to genuinely care about his daughter and his second wife. When he feels betrayed by them, it should cut to the core.

I Think I'm Sick, part 2

We had our first read-through with the full cast today. It was rainy and gross going to rehearsal. It read just under 2 hours. Still 10 to 15 minutes long for my taste but it should pick up a bit and lose 5 minutes in each act. They say that's how it usually goes. 2 new additions to the cast, Chris Critelli as Clay and Douglas Sorenson as Barry and Bonnefoi. Very solid in their choices, chops and seemingly as people. It doesn't seem like there will be any problems interpersonally in this cast. That would be a first. For the world.

Since I'll be in the bed most of the show, I decided to play around with my voice and settled at a deeper pitch than my normal speaking voice. It gives me more places to go both silly and serious. They say you either pull the character to you or travel to it. In this, I feel I'm doing both. There's so much in this play I can't imagine doing, if I simply play myself it would never get off the ground.

We had to look at our schedules. As always there are conflicts that come up for people. The rehearsals are going to happen days, nights and weekends at various times and I have to be there for all of them. Juggling the Clark Kent job with this won't leave much time to run lines outside rehearsal, except on the subway and in my sleep. But it'll come together. I have less to learn than any of my solo shows and more than double the rehearsal time.

I feel ahead of the game having worked on the adaptation. I know the order of events. The play is divided into French scenes (short scenes with the entrance or exit of a character). A lot of plays are written like this today but the trend is to make the scenes more cinematic with shifting scenes so you wind up with longer transitions as sets go on and off dragged by a character or an unlucky boyfriend or girlfriend of the director dressed in all black. We have one set. The script will have very little changed at this point. The director has worked on 2 versions of this so far this year. More than 1/2 the cast are returning or really familiar with the script. What if this works fine and the show is great and we have a good time and the audience loves it?

For some reason, my spider-sense is tingling.